I am not a victim, I am a survivor.

Yesterday, I missed a phone call from a mysterious number.  I missed it because the caller only let the phone ring twice before s/he hung up.  The area code was 510, which is California, but my only friend that lives in California has a phone number from our humble hometown.  I Googled it (seriously, what did we do before Google?) and learned that it was from my credit card company.  This puzzled me because- for once- I do not owe them any money and I am not late on payments.

However, they called back today and left a message.  A cryptic one.  One that cautioned me about "security" issues and implored me to return the call.  I promptly did.

After a ten-minute wait on hold someone answered.  When they asked how they might help me today, I responded with, "Your company called and left me a message about a 'security problem' and I just need to take care of whatever it is."

You would have thought I shouted "TERRORIST" in an airport.  (Does no one shout "FIRE" in a crowded theater anymore?  Are those days through now that we have Osama?)

The man, clearly startled, responded, "A security issue?"
"Um...I guess."  It must be the end of times.

"Okay let's take a look," he continued.  "Did you try to make a $450 charge in Saõ Paolo, Brazil this morning?"

I'd like to first say that, while they speak portuguesa and not español, I was offended by his ridiculously poor pronunciation of Saõ Paolo.

Secondly, I wish I made a $450 charge in Saõ Paolo this morning!

"Nooooo," I responded curiously.  I wonder what someone tried to buy.

"Did you try to make a purchase in North Carolina this afternoon?"

Yeah, sure, I was in Saõ Paolo this morning, and took the mass transit to NORTH CAROLINA for some afternoon BBQ.   Wait, did he say "try to make a payment"?

I left the warmth of Saõ Paolo and the deliciousness of Raleigh and returned to the voice on the other end of the line.  "Are you telling me that someone tried to steal my credit card and it got DECLINED because I'm so poor and close to my limit?!"

Turns out yes, that's exactly what happened.  Those poor thieves.